we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
