clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
