a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
