Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
