Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
