I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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