Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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