My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
