The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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