Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
then he tried to convert me to islam
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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