just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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