He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
