I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
