listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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