thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
