I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
