I wish my penis had an off switch
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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