Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he puts the penis in happiness.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
