She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
