"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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