I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
