don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
