dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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