Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
