You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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