Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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