im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
