Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
