shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
A+ Viking dick
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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