the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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