It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
