I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
