I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
