he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
