so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
