1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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