he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
