I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
