He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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