Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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