I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
