Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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