I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
