How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
