he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
