You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
