good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
