My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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