so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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