This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
