i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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