Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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